Sorry I am emotional!!!!!

Maybe spin class is worth it.  I found out you burn a ton of calories.
Well I get weighed in on Monday and I am kinda nervous. I have seriously been working my butt off, but my scales at home don't show it.

{HERE IS WHERE I GET EMOTIONAL}
I know some of you watch the biggest loser and the last episode hit me really hard. Those close to me know I have had similar feelings to what Abby was having. I have survived but have not really lived. I have not been happy for quite awhile and miss my mom more than ever. I have been on several different meds, and they take the edge off but nothing has trully helped. I am hoping like Abby this will be my inside change as well as my outside change. I really want the old me back. I want to be a good mom and not worry constantly about who will die next. I want to enjoy some of the time my husband is gone hunting and not sit and cry all night worrying if something has happened to him because I can't get a hold of him, and I don't want to call my brother hysterical and him have to clam me down and assure me everything is ok. I want to watch my kids play their sports and not be thinking I wonder if this is the last time I will see them play? Will they be the next one to go? I really want to let go and release all this I just don't know how. But when Abby said you have a choice it hit me. I am punishing myself. I have the choice to hold on to the past and be depressed and worry about the future.  Or I have to choice to start new and live each day to the fullest. Thanks Abby!